League Wire
RED LEADS 50–50///CINCINNATI TAKES THE FIELD///30 TEAMS AWAIT THE CALL///TAILS NEVER FAILS///THIS IS OUR YEAR (ALLEGEDLY)///RED LEADS 50–50///CINCINNATI TAKES THE FIELD///30 TEAMS AWAIT THE CALL///TAILS NEVER FAILS///THIS IS OUR YEAR (ALLEGEDLY)///
Est. Whenever · Forever Unlicensed

LegallyDistinct

Thirty-two teams. Two conferences. One plush tail you swing over your head and wear like you were born with it. A league of our own. Legally.

*officially unofficial. definitely not affiliated. obviously.
Shop Red ConfShop Blue ConfThe Full Lineup
The Cardiac Cat tail
The Tail32in of swingable, wearable, sibling-swattable faux fur. From $34.99.
League ScoreboardLive · Real Sales
Preseason · Week 1
0%
Red Conference
0%
Blue Conference
RED ▶
◀ BLUE
Awaiting kickoff. First sale draws first blood.
Rep The RedBack The Blue
The Founding Principle
“Fans deserve merch. Lawyers deserve rest. On these twin pillars we built a league.”
— The Commissioner‡   ‡there is no commissioner
CHOOSE YOUR SIDE

The Red Conference

16 teams · gameday tails

▶
CHOOSE YOUR SIDE

The Blue Conference

16 teams · gameday tails

▶

This Week's Starting Lineup

RED CONF · CINCINNATI

First on the field, as tradition demands: the franchise the founder is emotionally compromised by.

The Cardiac CatRED · CIN
The Cardiac Cat

Cardiac Cat

Orange · "NOOOO-BODY!"
$34.99
Get The Gear
The White TigerRED · CIN
The White Tiger

White Tiger

White · "GROWL."
$34.99
Get The Gear

The Sacred Rites Of The Tail

AS OLD AS TIME (2024)
🌀
Rite the First

Swing It

32 inches of dense faux fur and a grippy handle. Whirl it overhead until your whole section joins in.

🐆
Rite the Second

Wear It

A concealed velcro loop turns it into a real tail on your belt, bag, or unsuspecting friend.

⚖️
Rite the Third

Own It

Our logos, our jokes, our colors. Nothing borrowed, nothing sue-able. A heritage of not getting cease-and-desists.

League Standings

ALL 32 · AN ONGOING DYNASTY
Teams suited up
2 / 32
Requesting: —
TeamConfTailStatus
CincinnatiRedThe Cardiac CatIn Stock
CincinnatiRedThe White TigerIn Stock
ChicagoBlueDa Stub
Green BayBlueThe Shareholder
MinnesotaBlueThe Battle Braid
Los AngelesRedThe Live Wire
Requesting files your email with the league office. Most-requested team gets manufactured next. Democracy, but for tails.
Join The Dynasty In Progress

Draft Your Team

32 teams. 2 conferences. 1 unlicensed league. Demand moves the line.

Request Your Team
“Not affiliated with anyone. A dynasty of one.”
The Legally Distinct League is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any professional league or team. Colors & cities used descriptively. All original marks are ours.
Not For Licensing™ · a legally distinct entity · All rights reserved. Probably.